Thoughts about summertime sadness -and insecurities

This is kinda weird writing about, because I usually write about positive and motivational stuff. But the last few days I was not my usual self. That was because I couldn't stop negative and sad thinking.

This gloomy thinking and being in a leave-me-alone mood is a state that I think every person has gone through. Of course, I've been through it before as well and actually I have already written about it. The difference with my previous post about sadness is that I dealt with the issue in a positive way whereas now I couldn't do that.


I had these sad thoughts and I made crazy scenarios with bad endings. To be more specific, I was thinking that people that I'm grateful to have in my life either betray me or that they are lying to me for some reason or that they suddenly disappear from my life.

Grave, I know but to be honest these are thoughts that haunt me all year round. The reason that I titled the post "summertime" and not just "sadness" is because one more insecurity was recently added to my thoughts. What insecurity is that? It has to do with the idea of the perfect summer body and how far I am from that. I have always been a slim girl without really caring for my weight. However, for a month now I am catching myself observing my body and noticing things that I don't like and this is making me try to decrease my calories intake. An example of that obsession is when my friends and I went to the beach and I had skipped breakfast that day just because I didn't want them to see me being bloated and think that I'm fat. I am aware that this is not a healthy way of thinking and this is why I stopped skipping meals and I do give in to my cravings from time to time but I still can't help seeing things that I don't like on me.

But what worries me right now is what the people who know me may think of me, as I haven't shared any of these with them. Why? Mainly because these kind of thoughts come and go, as they are based on my insecurities that they do know that I have. Also when I'm with them I'm happy and I don't have such thoughts. Plus, I feel kinda embarrassed to talk about them. So, although I'm a bit afraid of their reaction to this revelation to my most depressing thoughts, I decided to publish this post, because I feel like there are a lot of people that struggle with insecurities, which make them doubt and underestimate themselves. Thus, maybe this can show them that they are not alone and that it is up to us to stop negative thinking. To tell you the truth, I believe that insecurities and negative thinking will never completely go away but at least it is up to us to snap out of them as quickly as possible.

One thing that helps me snap out of this negative state of mind is making changes to my hair, aka having it cut. If you have read my Thoughts about having my hair cut short again post, you'll know that once I did this trivial deed for myself I felt better and like a new person. And this is why I gladly visited my hairdresser once again. The only problem is that this time I had my hair cut a bit shorter than I expected but I am digging that extreme -for me- change. If you don't want to cut your hair, you can do something else, like having a beaute day, go shopping (which I did that as well and it honestly excited me 🛍) or going for a long walk. Another thing that helps me feel better when I'm blue is writing about it in my diary, as it clams me down and it also makes me face my insecurities and see the rights and wrongs of my thoughts.

To sum up (sorry, this turned out to be much longer than I expected), I wish that I could give you a piece of advice that would make insecurities disappear but there is no such thing. My experience tells me that we have to live with them and try as hard as we can not to let them take control of us. But sometimes they will. Then try to a) understand and face your sadness, b) to evaluate its reasons for showing up and c) spend some quality time with yourself in order to change some things and to accept some others about yourself. 

P.S. This is the first time that I'm anxious about publishing a post. This is really personal, as it is a piece of what is going on in my mind and this is why I hope that you'll not be judgmental or critical of me.